Uri Futatsu de Aru うりふたつである
by HARPG0
Summary: Jounouchi takes “playing with Duel Monsters” to a whole new level. Jou X Seto one shot.


_Uri Futatsu de Aru _

うりふたつである

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**Author's Note**:

"Uri futatsu de aru" is a Japanese idiom that means "like two peas in a pod."

Please remember that this story is just for fun and no profit. Take nothing seriously, okay?

* * *

Jounouchi stood in the empty room with a cool glass of champagne in his hand. He was a year too young to drink, but he'd managed to sneak the fluted glass off the table when no one was watching. Meanwhile, Yugi had wandered over to the dessert table and had been ogling a rather large slice of chocolate chip cheesecake with hot fudge topping. Jounouchi recalled the look of absolute ecstasy written on the young dueler's face as he took the slice.

Jou chuckled softly and sipped his drink.

Blissfully alone now, away from the idiotic small talk and clattering plates, the room he had wandered into was not at all what he had expected. Jou was surrounded on all sides by a gigantic green screen, like those in the movies, with each section of wall measured off with little "X" marks. There was an elaborately designed control panel set into the wall which seemed to say to Jou, "Come over here! Push these buttons!" Feeling slightly curious, he casually strolled over while twirling the drink between his thumb and fingers.

The party was being held in the new Kaiba Corp Research and Development Facility on the outskirts of Kyoto. The press—including radio, TV, newspapers, and Internet—was invited. But, to make the evening particularly exciting, Kaiba Seto and his brother decided to invite all celebrities even remotely connected with Duel Monsters.

As he toyed with the control panel, the blond had a distinct feeling that his invitation to attend was not because Kaiba found him particularly skilled at the card game, but because if he wasn't invited Yugi wouldn't have come, either.

He was right, of course.

Jou took another sip.

"Now, let's see what we have here." He tilted his blond head to one side as his honey colored eyes scanned what he was beginning to think of as "the menu of possibilities."

Black hiragana, katakana, and kanji stood out against a white background.

He scrolled down to the file marked "Introduction."

"Okay, we'll start with this one."

Jounouchi pushed the "enter" key and turned abruptly when the lights in the room dimmed. A three dimensional image of Kaiba Seto appeared in the center of the room—white, flashy Kaiba coat and all. "Kaiba Corp is pleased to introduce the newest upgrade to our line of Duel Monsters games. Using "Variable 5.2" the player can now make personal changes to a monster…including different hair and eye color, armor design, and weapons design." The imposing image of Kaiba raised his hand and a virtual card appeared with a soft, blue flash. A state of the art Duel Disk appeared on his left arm as well. "Simply insert the card of your choice, select the options you would like from the menu, and push 'save'. The Duel Disk will store the changes and your monster's modifications will be recorded." The trademark Kaiba smirk followed the last sentence.

Jounouchi rolled his eyes at that. The brunette being his usual pompous "self" always seemed to do something to him. What exactly that was, however, happened to be a feeling that Jou didn't want to face. It was too embarrassing. So, he usually crumpled it into a ball and tossed it into the back of his mind to be forgotten.

Still, that know-it-all smirk got to him.

"Oh, really?" Jou grumbled, going back to the panel once the virtual Kaiba had faded away. Then, he narrowed his gaze and chuckled. "So, this is what they've been working on, huh?" He scanned the list and discovered that several cards had been used for testing. He found one marked "Kaibaman" and grinned toothily when he pushed the enter button.

A virtual Kaiba appeared out of thin air with a halo glowing at the feet. It wore a very ornately designed silver helmet, somewhat hawkish in shape. Not surprisingly, the same piercing blue eyes peeked out, Jou noticed, as he circled the figure very slowly.

"Okay," Jou said, going back to the control panel, "I don't have one of those new fangled Duel Disks, but I'm thinking that they probably have a way around that." He went through the options and found that he could, in fact, use the panel instead of a Duel Disk.

He cheered inwardly. It was possible after all. "This is _perfect_," he laughed, tilting his head back for a second.

Then, his eyes locked on the tall figure. It was facing away from him. That was no fun, no fun at all.

"Kaibaman, turn around." He jabbed at buttons on the control panel.

The image of Kaiba did an about face.

Jou puffed out his chest a little. It felt great telling the mighty Seto Kaiba what to do and then, in the next second, seeing it done almost immediately.

"Walk to me," the blond said, turning back to the controls. This time, he couldn't find the way to do that.

The Duel Monster stayed in place. It almost reflected the stubborn quality that its doppelganger had in real life.

"Drat," Jou said, scratching his head lightly. "I can't find the command. And, even if I did, I guess that 'walk to me' wouldn't be specific enough. And this guy's a stickler…even in real life." He stroked his chin a little in thought. It made sense.

Then, scrolling down all the way to the bottom, he saw what he was searching for. Jou clicked it.

"Okay, take five steps forward."

Kaibaman walked slowly, mimicking the real Kaiba 'swagger' in every way with each step. The sleek, white Kaiba Corp coat defied gravity and waved up slightly on the ends.

Virtual Kaiba stopped. Jounouchi slouched a little against the wall as his honey eyes locked with blue.

"You know, I've always wanted to see what was under there." Jounouchi leaned away from the wall this time for a better view of the hologram, arms still folded against his chest. "Let's see if I can set the computer on 'voice command' like on my mobile phone." He jabbed at the controls. An information bubble popped up, telling the operator what to do. It was simple enough.

With a few electronic chimes to signal he'd done it right, Jou was all set.

"Computer?"

A happy chirp answered.

"Delete Kaibaman helmet."

A happy chirp answered.

The hawkish helmet melted away. Jounouchi was now staring into the handsome face of Seto Kaiba. The Duel Monster was so similar to the young man Jou'd just seen in the other room that it was practically scary.

Yes, the other room. Kaiba was there, even now—chatting in a suave way—with a girl. A really _stacked_ girl in a low cut, brown dress.

The blond chewed his lip a little in thought. Maybe, he should stop—maybe. _Coffee brown dress,_ he thought wryly.

Then again, as there was no one else around, he decided to take it one step further.

"Delete Kaiba Corp coat."

The white coat disappeared off of Kaibaman's tall form.

Jounouchi blinked at that. "Wow… He's not half bad." Jou walked around the body, studying it the way a tailor would a client in a new suit. The figure was now dressed in black leather pants with a skin tight shirt to match. "The dark clothes seem to fit his personality, too."

Jou found his place by the wall again and took another casual sip of his drink. "Delete shirt." He snickered into his glass. The bubbles were tickling his nose and that was the cause of his mirth. At least, that was what he was telling himself.

Another happy chirp.

Kaibaman stood before the blond with his usual neutral look and soft, brown hair becoming more and more appealing by the second. Jou ran an index finger around the rim of his glass to give himself time to think. He had no idea that while Kaiba seemed unnaturally thin, he was actually quite well built up top. _He must work out. Either that, or his people were flattering him by creating such a good body._

"Delete shoes."

Happy chirp.

"Delete socks."

Happy chirp.

This time, Jounouchi took a rather large gulp of his drink. He paced a few steps to get his courage up and then said over his shoulder, "Computer, delete trousers."

There was the same cheerful, electronic chirp that answered and Jou laughed almost evilly to himself. This was good. It was very good. He turned to see.

Kaibaman stood wearing a pair of black Italian men's boxer briefs that hugged the thighs and hips while showcasing a rather well built "package" up front.

Kaiba had an "innie" bellybutton shaped like a cat's eye.

Jounouchi's eyes bulged at that. He wrestled with his silk tie. Suddenly, it was too tight around his throat.

"Oh, wow," he said, coming up Kaibaman and looking into his face—because further down to the _south_ was a bit too much for him. "The computer really did it."

"Of course it did," came a rather brash tone from the doorway. "What did you expect?"

He knew the voice. Jounouchi felt his face do more than flush. It was tomato red. And it suddenly dawned on Jou how close he was standing to the nearly naked Kaibaman.

With an unreadable expression, Seto Kaiba took two steps inside and jabbed a button set into the wall—closing the door behind him with an electronic hum.

Jou's head turned from Kaibaman to the real thing and then back again.

He was screwed.

The blond cringed. _He's gonna kill me! He's gonna kill me! I can't believe this!_

The closer the brunette got, the more his face melted into a soft smile. "I had no idea you wanted to see me naked that badly," Kaiba practically purred now, standing beside his twin.

The two brunettes stared at him. Jou wondered for a second if it was his imagination or not that the looks were predatory.

Jounouchi blushed harder and stared down into his drink. What could he say?

"Then," Kaiba went on, noticing the reaction that he was surprised to see but found all too flattering at the same time, "I think it's only fair..."

The blond's drink was taken unceremoniously out of his hand and given to Kaibaman to hold. In the next second, Jou's dress coat was removed and tossed carelessly to the floor along with his black tie. And with nimble fingers, the shirt buttons were being undone rather quickly.

"I think it's only fair…_that you_…get the same treatment…" The words were whispered in his ear.

Easily enough, the shirt was tossed to the floor in a crumpled heap.

Feeling the chill of the room, Jounouchi tilted his face up to see one "Kaiba" holding a half full glass of champagne and the other working on his belt with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Kaiba?" He swallowed thickly.

"Hm?" The hum was his answer.

"Did you…uh…lock the door?" Honey colored eyes glanced to the side, only being able to make out the green door frame.

Kaiba's smirk widened to a smile once the belt worked loose. It slithered away. "_Yes…_"

Jounouchi nodded to that. "Okay. Carry on, then."

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End file.
